>I Cry

I learned early in life not to cry. If I cried, I ended up with a really bad headache. Over the years, the really bad headaches changed to migraines.

If I watched a tearjerker movie, I remained tearless. If I had boyfriend issues, I was brave and my friends thought I didn’t care. I never verbalized it, or even thought about it for that matter. This was an unconcious decision.

About eight years ago my girlfriends questioned why I never cried as they did. It made me appear stoic or emotionliess. Even Mark said he had never seen me cry. That was when I began to think. I traced back the few times I had cried and a migraine always followed.

Yeah…I just don’t cry. So don’t think me unemotional because I do feel. Don’t think me uncaring because I am compassionate. Don’t think I have my life all together because I do struggle. Don’t think my heart strings don’t tug. My heart does ache at times.

I just don’t cry.

Wait! I do cry. I cry out to the Lord for help. I cry for my friend with cancer who has a teenager. I cry because I miss my son a few thousand miles away at college. I cry when someone hurts my feelings.

I cry. I just don’t shed tears.


About shandaoakley

I am a MK and have lived most of my life in Thirld World Countries. This greatly influences how I think, speak and write. I love my husband of 25 years and my three kids, ages 18, 21 and 21. We recently moved to Southern California and have set up life back in the US. I love my home, friends, animals, teaching and mostly Jesus! I believe life is a choice so I choose joy!
This entry was posted in hurt, tears. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to >I Cry

  1. >I really like this! I love how open and honest you are. 'I cry, I just don't shed tears.' Even without tears, I have a very hard time believing anyone would ever think you uncaring…actions speak louder than words, AND tears! Happy to see you writing…keep it up friend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s